“Iwascertainlyveryfarfromexpectingthemtomakesostronganimpression。Ihadnotthesmallestideaoftheirbeingeverfeltinsuchaway。”
“Icaneasilybelieveit。Youthoughtmethendevoidofeveryproperfeeling,Iamsureyoudid。TheturnofyourcountenanceIshallneverforget,asyousaidthatIcouldnothaveaddressedyouinanypossiblewaythatwouldinduceyoutoacceptme。”
“Oh!donotrepeatwhatIthensaid。Theserecollectionswillnotdoatall。IassureyouthatIhavelongbeenmostheartilyashamedofit。”
Darcymentionedhisletter。“Didit,”saidhe,“diditsoonmakeyouthinkbetterofme?Didyou,onreadingit,giveanycredittoitscontents?”
Sheexplainedwhatitseffectonherhadbeen,andhowgraduallyallherformerprejudiceshadbeenremoved。
“Iknew,”saidhe,“thatwhatIwrotemustgiveyoupain,butitwasnecessary。Ihopeyouhavedestroyedtheletter。Therewasonepartespecially,theopeningofit,whichIshoulddreadyourhavingthepowerofreadingagain。Icanremembersomeexpressionswhichmightjustlymakeyouhateme。”
“Thelettershallcertainlybeburnt,ifyoubelieveitessentialtothepreservationofmyregard;but,thoughwehavebothreasontothinkmyopinionsnotentirelyunalterable,theyarenot,Ihope,quitesoeasilychangedasthatimplies。”
“WhenIwrotethatletter,”repliedDarcy,“Ibelievedmyselfperfectlycalmandcool,butIamsinceconvincedthatitwaswritteninadreadfulbitternessofspirit。”
“Theletter,perhaps,beganinbitterness,butitdidnotendso。Theadieuischarityitself。Butthinknomoreoftheletter。Thefeelingsofthepersonwhowrote,andthepersonwhoreceivedit,arenowsowidelydifferentfromwhattheywerethen,thateveryunpleasantcircumstanceattendingitoughttobeforgotten。Youmustlearnsomeofmyphilosophy。Thinkonlyofthepastasitsremembrancegivesyoupleasure。”
“Icannotgiveyoucreditforanyphilosophyofthekind。Yourretrospectionsmustbesototallyvoidofreproach,thatthecontentmentarisingfromthemisnotofphilosophy,but,whatismuchbetter,ofinnocence。Butwithme,itisnotso。Painfulrecollectionswillintrudewhichcannot,whichoughtnot,toberepelled。Ihavebeenaselfishbeingallmylife,inpractice,thoughnotinprinciple。AsachildIwastaughtwhatwasright,butIwasnottaughttocorrectmytemper。Iwasgivengoodprinciples,butlefttofollowtheminprideandconceit。Unfortunatelyanonlyson(formanyyearsanonlychild),Iwasspoiltbymyparents,who,thoughgoodthemselves(myfather,particularly,allthatwasbenevolentandamiable),allowed,encouraged,almosttaughtmetobeselfishandoverbearing;tocarefornonebeyondmyownfamilycircle;tothinkmeanlyofalltherestoftheworld;towishatleasttothinkmeanlyoftheirsenseandworthcomparedwithmyown。SuchIwas,fromeighttoeightandtwenty;andsuchImightstillhavebeenbutforyou,dearest,loveliestElizabeth!WhatdoInotoweyou!Youtaughtmealesson,hardindeedatfirst,butmostadvantageous。Byyou,Iwasproperlyhumbled。Icametoyouwithoutadoubtofmyreception。Youshowedmehowinsufficientwereallmypretensionstopleaseawomanworthyofbeingpleased。”
“HadyouthenpersuadedyourselfthatIshould?”
“IndeedIhad。Whatwillyouthinkofmyvanity?Ibelievedyoutobewishing,expectingmyaddresses。”
“Mymannersmusthavebeeninfault,butnotintentionally,Iassureyou。Inevermeanttodeceiveyou,butmyspiritsmightoftenleadmewrong。Howyoumusthavehatedmeafterthatevening?”
“Hateyou!Iwasangryperhapsatfirst,butmyangersoonbegantotakeaproperdirection。”